Another problem in defining an abandoner is that lots of abandonment victims continue being abandoners themselves, or have actually left behind someone else in a previous relationship. As it happens that most folks could be both abandonees and abandoners aˆ“ it just depends on the perspective.
But you can find serial abandoners aˆ“ abandoners who see secondary egotistical build from imposing emotional aches on a person that really loves all of them. For them, promoting devastation is the method of showing electricity or fury.
But even abandoners who are not driven by power, might feel a heightened feeling of self-importance as an unintentional by-product. As regretful as they may feel about harming your, they can not help but go on an ego trip while they witness the concentration of your agonized wish for them.
Although your own exes’ heads might be somewhat swelled, several won’t openly confess to those attitude of triumph because they don’t wanna resemble cads. As an alternative they would like to lead and their kinder, considerably humble feelings, just like their regret over creating caused your aˆ?disappointmentaˆ? or aˆ?inconvenienceaˆ? (mention the understatements).
Numerous abandoners, but are able to sidestep guilt by continuing to be oblivious into mental problems they will have triggered. This obliviousness seems callous and self-centered to your person who has been left aˆ“ usually the one they would forced in to the intensive mental crisis of abandonment.
Ironically, this throws abandoners in a one-up place to you personally. You feel bested by all of them, which in turn causes one to position them on pedestal, which makes it much tougher so that go, even though obtained addressed your poorly. Continue reading →